Al anon provided me with the tools I needed so desperately to get through some horrible days and nights that this disease was just beating me daily. I admit, I was not sold at first. I went into my first meeting one night and thought to myself, "Oh I will show them who needs help!". That was my inner resentment character who at the time had taken control of my entire being. Got through the meeting and drove home picking it apart to myself in the car. Listing what was wrong with it, what I would do differently, how would they know how I am feeling, who gave them their licenses to practice psychology....nothing they said was going to supposed transform back into the Gina that used to be!
My husband asked how the meeting was. Great, just great I told him. Then snapped at him for something totally from out of left field and went to bed. Poor hubby.
Well, I kept going. Around the fourth meeting, I realized this wasn't so bad. I started making a connection with people in the group. Then to give myself some variety, I began going to an all women's group on Saturdays. I began to read the meditation books, interacted and shared more with other members that before long my toolbox was beginning to be filled with some pretty helpful resources that provided me with answers, solutions and an approach to finding serenity.
My daughter's addiction had transformed me into someone unrecognizable as well. I was no longer a fun person to be around. All the resentment that had built up inside me had me snapping at people all the time, and just plain angry and nasty. Before I could ever begin to start picking apart my daughter's wrongful behavior any longer, it was time for me to start taking an inventory of my own behavior. When I did, I was just ashamed. It was time to start working on myself and put all the energy I was exerting into making myself a better me. Had I not attended those Al anon meeting, I would never have realized this.
Any 12 step program uses the 12 steps as a foundation for their program. The 12 steps of Al anon opened my eyes. They can be applied in any walk of life, and if followed can make anyone a nicer, happier and content human being.
Meeting others in the Al anon support groups allowed me to see that our family members may have different addictions, but our similarities are quite remarkably amongst us. Sharing our stories and supporting one another allows us to heal and grow stronger.
Today, I am so grateful for the tools in my toolbox that I use every day, so that now when I look in the mirror, I like the person that looks back at me.
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