Changing the Channel and Tuning In
You know those days when you may find yourself listening to the radio, watching a television show, reading a magazine or just talking with people and the topic of something that you have been struggling with for awhile is just WHAM right there in your face. You listen or read on and you think to yourself, "Wow, that is exactly the answer that I have been looking for!". Well, that has been happening alot to me lately.Some occasions what I may have heard has been rather subtle, nothing quite full of WHAM, but enough to get my attention. The messages are coming over loud and clear though, and for that I am grateful.
As like many people today, I work a forty hour week, have a family and am raising my grand-daughter who will be turning thirteen in just a couple of days. The daily grind Monday through Friday can be powerfully exhausting at times. Once home at night, I get dinner ready and then clean it up or we might have to dash off to gymnastics two nights a week to boot. My husband's job requires some traveling, so there are times when I am going solo, which I know doesn't sound like a big deal to some Mom's with three, four or even more children but remember, I am the grand-mom and my energy level isn't what I had in my thirties or forties for that matter. All life has become so very routine. There are days when I catch myself doing the same thing so often, I loose track of the day. I never ever would think that by fifty four years old, my most favorite place to be in the entire world would be in my own bed at night by nine p.m.. If my life could have a T-shirt slogan it would say in big letters "Walking Granny Zombie" because that is how I feel some days. My body is going through the all the motions of living, but not a whole lot is set aside to just relax and rejuvenate. I try to really hard to on the weekends, but Monday through Friday boy, well I am in the zombie zone.
So back to the messages I am getting. Here are some examples.
1. Parenting out of guilt. I am guilty of this. My grand-daughter's mom is an addict and I have been raising her for about four years now. She has always been in my life, but since third grade is when her Mom decided to choose a boyfriend and substance abuse over being a Mom. With that always in the back of my mind, I always find myself not giving her consequences. The problem is, she is such an incredibly great child. Sweet, caring, intelligent and so loving. When she doesn't listen, I just keep asking over and over again, which usually ends up with me doing what I asked her to do, or getting upset and marching up to her room and yelling for her to get off the computer or phone and swearing that she had better watch out if I came back in ten minutes and still found her on it. Well of course ten minutes goes by and I am just repeating the insanity of the same act, which you and I both know is not providing any results. Seeing her beautiful little face as I get upset, the guilt just floods into my head and then I am telling her I love her and asking her nicely as I begin cleaning up her room.
Now from my routine, I would say that I begin to start entering the major zombie zone area about 7 p.m. so my patience is wearing thin. When these circumstances are ongoing, I just want to escape and in my mind the resentment for my daughter robbing me of my happiness begins to start slithering back in with all the toxic emotions that come along with it too. Before you know it, I hate myself. I look in the mirror and I am so upset that I allow myself to be like this over and over and over again.
My husband; who used to work as a counselor at a youth home years ago, has been telling me for years that I have to give her consequences. "Take her computer away. Take her phone away. Take her TV away. Tell her she can't go to the sleepover." Lots of good suggestions, problem was...I just hated doing that because..."I PARENT OUT OF GUILT!" I don't want her to hate me and think I don't love her. I have to prove to her that I love her and that I would never hurt her like her Mom did.
Here comes the message part. Sorry it is taking so long.
So I am driving home from work one day. Lots of traffic. I always listen to my classical station...of lovely soothing music. I clicked on the radio and it was pledge week! I don't know about you, but I really despise pledge week. I know it is the most effective way to have funds come in for support, it's just that I really can't wait for it to be over and would like nothing better for pledge week to be from 7 pm - 7 am. So, I am looking for a channel and by accident I hit the AM/FM button and switched the radio from FM to AM. A woman's voice came on welcoming the listeners to the family talk part of the show. "Thank you for joining us today. We have an great show for you today and it is on "Parenting Out of Guilt" and our guest today is author and psychologist Dr. .....". OMG! The Doc was a man with the most lovely radio voice that just captivated my attention so my hand left the radio tuner and returned to the steering wheel. As I drove on, my mouth slowly became agape as the message I was hearing was clearly...CLEARLY meant for me to hear. I look back now and realized that during some parts of the doctor's prescription to "me" and his audience, I was sitting there nodding my head in agreement, validating to my conscience to listen and that this was exactly what I needed to start doing. The message was very powerful and effective at reaching the my inner mind that had for years been doing things incorrectly.
I went home that night and had a wonderful night. I applied the advice I heard to instances that occurred and was amazed at how well received they were and successfully executed without garnishing any respect for me. Also, I happened to have caught a smile from my husband the first time I went over to my grand-daughter and asked to see her IPhone to which I replied when it was in my hand, "Okay, so now go upstairs and clean your room. You may have this back when all your chores are done like I have asked you to do." I walked away into the next room where I finally let out my breath when I hear her go up the stairs with the vacuum.
Well, that was over a year ago, and our family has become a home that is thriving with love and respect for one another. Plus, I have not touched that dial in my car, except for after my husband uses it and I have to say goodbye to the 80's station. What is amazing is that every day when I am listening to this station, there is something good and useful that I am able to take away and apply in my life.
God works in mysterious ways, but He also answers my prayers. He knows how busy my life is and how difficult it is for me to take time for myself, so He found me a radio station that broadcasts messages to me during my commute to work and back home Monday through Friday. For this I am grateful.
No comments:
Post a Comment