MORNING AND END OF DAY
When I wake, I am grateful for another day and then one of first thoughts is for my daughter. She has relapsed again and has been living in a basement with her boyfriend. He self-medicates himself for his turrets with God knows what. My daughter confessed to me about a year ago that she was using meth.
I lie there with my eyes closed at first thinking about her and in my mind I am thinking..."maybe today will be the day she accepts help." My heart weighs heavy on me as I go about my morning routine which includes getting my grand-daughter up and ready for school. My daughter abandoned her daughter about four years ago for drugs and alcohol and has been living in my home with my husband and I. As I watch this beautiful child get ready she fills my day with joy and it is from that joy that lightens my heart. For that I am grateful.
Then there is the end of my day. I have worked all day, driven in rush hour traffic both ways to work, come home and prepare dinner, run to bring my grand-daughter to gymnastics on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and watch a little TV with my husband and her before it is time to drag myself to bed.
Again I lie there with my eyes closed and thoughts of the day swirl through my mind. In the other room I can hear my grand-daughter singing in the shower and then on her way to her room she passes my door and tells me goodnight and that she loves me. After telling her good-night back, I smile and think of how blessed my life is. Then I think of my daughter. I wonder what she did today. Is she using right now? Thinking what she had for dinner. Is she lying in her bed depressed and lonely like she tells me she does most days and nights. I picture her lying there with that ridiculous boyfriend hovering over her in their basement and my smile fades.
This is the hardest time of my day. Then I pray. As I pray to God for the blessing of the day and my family, I ask God to bless and watch over my daughter and to come into her heart and mind and fill her with the strength and passion to get help so she can enjoy life again with her daughter. My prayers clear my mind and after my Amen, I am able to fall into slumber and rest.
Another day filled with hope. Another night blessed with peace.
I am not forcing my loved one to get help. Tried that and it failed. I am there for my daughter and reach out to her with love to get help. What that help may be has yet to be determined. I am just praying that one day, my prayer will be answered and she reaches for my outstretched hand and accepts and wants it for "her".
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