Anonymity

Anonymity.....Aside from having trouble saying the word, I never really used it until I started going to Al-anon meetings.  Then, I could never really understand why anyone wanted to stay anonymous.  Why hide your identity about being an addict or alcoholic?  Why hide your identity if you are troubled by someones alcohol or drug abuse? 


I always thought...hey, if you are famous and you are in recovery from a drug or alcohol problems, do you realize how many fans would look up to you if you came clean, admitted the truth and just be proud of your recovery!  That is how I related anonymity to. 

It was until I was into Al-anon for about a year, and we discussed the topic. 

The group discussed how important it is to respect the anonymity of each member and why.  An example used was from an article read in the Al-anon magazine "Forum" about a woman who attended an Al-anon support group because her husband was actively abusing alcohol.  Then one night during the meeting, the woman's husband burst into the meeting and found the woman and angrily took her home.  The woman never returned to the meetings. Several weeks later, a member from the group ran into the woman at the supermarket and stopped to say hello.  After exchanging greetings, the concerned member asked how things were going and that the group wanted to let her know their concern for her.  The woman confined that her husband was physically abusive to her during his alcoholic rages and lived in fear of going to another meeting.

What an eyeopener! How IGNORANT of me to not have the slightest thought of the fear that family members and loved ones must endure as someone they love struggles with the addiction of drugs, alcoholic or both.  I left the meeting that night so thankful for the knowledge I gained that allowed me to respect other members.

Then, my own connection toward anonymity materialized when my daughter who is struggling with addiction started seeing her current boyfriend.  It wasn't too long before I realized that as they both had incredible computer savvy.  When I created a FaceBook account, my friends included all my family members and some friends.  My addict daughter was included on this list.  Then one day I removed her from my friends list because of embarrassing things she would post on her page to to me.  Well in retaliation for unfriending her, she somehow got into my Facebook account and read things I messaged to family or friends about her drug and alcohol abuse.  During that time, I began to fear being on any social media sites and what I posted.  She threatened me during the peak of her using with her new boyfriend that if I posted anything again about her or him, I would live to regret it.

What could they do I thought?  So I asked her and she told me that if I got them really mad maybe one day they would come and burn my house down.  Okay...her threats were not what worried me.  What worried me was, being followed around or spied on.  I so related to the story my Al-anon group covered in that meeting that night.

Well, that was years ago now, and my grasp towards my own anonymity has loosened.  I choose one day to stop living in fear. 

 I gave up using an anonymous name on FaceBook and gave all my worry of this fear to God; Let Go Let God.





I believe my daughter is at the point in her addiction now where she does not have the energy to put forth any effort into hacking into my FB account or posting anything in retaliation for what I may say about her addiction and how it has affected our lives.  I know that everything in in God's hands now and have let my worry of that go, but I am grateful for having been at that Al-anon meeting years ago that provided me with the wisdom of respecting the anonymity of others that are struggling with a loved one's addiction.